The key to perfect guacamole is ensuring the avocado is just ripe enough to easily mash, without being mushy.
If you need to speed up the process, placing the avocados in a paper bag with an onion works great. The onion's skin releases a chemical which increases the ripening rate of most fruits and vegetables. I learned that trick shortly after my first k-hole experience.
The ketamine was from a man named Phil, who was dressed as Bender the Robot from the animated series 'Futurama'. We were at a house party, and Phil liked to watch strange women pee.
The theme of the party was 'The Year 3000'. I was dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow, because I didn't really understand what the year 3000 entailed, and I liked how I looked in a glued-on goatee.
Remembering the party brings such nostalgia. I can almost smell the pungent aroma of the water-damaged, stained shag carpet that greeted guests to the house. To this day, I don't know whose house we were at, and I couldn't find it on a map if I tried. Perhaps, like all the best memories, time and fondness has painted some of the details with a dreamlike patina.
I arrived to the party with 3 friends, and within minutes were were offered all manner of refreshments. A kind gentleman with a salad bowl of mushrooms made the rounds and encouraged everyone to help themselves to a handful. My companions all indulged, but I abstained. I knew from previous experience that mushrooms would make me violently ill, and I wanted to maintain an air of refinement for the evening.
After enjoying a few shots of tequila - a lovely artisanal variety, which tasted as though it had already been consumed and regurgitated - I began to mingle. As I sashayed betwixt the other partygoers, one of the dreadlocks of my synthetic wig snagged on something. That something - or rather, someone - was Phil.
His Bender costume was constructed with cardboard and copious amounts of tinfoil, and it was glorious. After untangling ourselves, we had the most wonderful conversation, and would go on to become fast friends.
It was an hour into our chat when I was made aware that one of the friends I'd arrived with was having a bad time; unfortunately, the 3 large handfuls of mushrooms he had taken were having adverse and unexpected effects. He was in the fetal position, curled up under the glass-top coffee table in the living room, begging and crying for his 'pirate sherpa' to come and guide him through his trip.
As I prepared to go assist my friend, Phil made me an offer; in exchange for letting him watch me pee, he would give me something to make babysitting my friend more enjoyable. I'm always interested in a bargain, so a deal was struck.
True to his word, the ketamine did make my evening more pleasant. I have no recollection of anything that happened afterward, but I was left with the soul-deep warmth of friendship - both new, and old.
xo
T
This is a favorite in our household. I always double the recipe, because my husband and kids can't get enough! 😋